Swimmin' Lessons
by Michelle Smith
Summary: (PWP) Bits and pieces from an RPG, Pip's POV. Very mildly slashy -- Pip/Mer, Mer/Sam
1. Swimmin' Lessons

When Merry an' me were just kids, he decided to teach me to swim. I worshipped every word he said – if I hadn't, lookin' back, I'm not half so sure I ever would've learned. But Merry was like a big brother to me then, an' my hero besides, so I went along wi' him.  
  
I was a terrible swimmer, an' that's puttin' it gentle. "Peregrin Took!" I can hear his voice now, he said it so many times – "Peregrin Took, I'd like t'swear ye were eatin' bricks when I weren't lookin'!" I did sink more'n I floated, an' that's the truth! But he was determined to teach me, so I tried m'best to learn.  
  
I hated it, though I never told him – somethin' about th' water's always scared me, an' not just cos it's "unnatural fer hobbits," neither. I just never could get a good hang o' it. Merry taught me to float, an' paddle around some, but I were never fond o' water. Still, summer after summer, Merry'd take me splashing in th' Brandywine, an' I never said a word about bein' afraid -- I'd just follow him right into th' river.  
  
Now, I believe wi' all m'heart tha' *It* needs to be taken' care o', tha' we're doin' the right thing. An' I'll support Frodo any way I know, an' then some; it's been wearin' hard on him, even this "fool of a Took" can see it. But if it weren't fer Merry, I don' think I could've made it this far. He watches out fer me; I'd ha' to be blind to've missed it. An' I'm watchin' fer him, too, no mistake!  
  
Ela told me about this Very Important Council tomorrow mornin', an' where it'd be an' all. I'll tell Merry about it – I bet Frodo an' Sam'll be there, an' tha' means Merry'll be bent on goin' right along. An' me as well, though fer all my high talk about adventure an' seein' th' world, I don't know as I'd be goin' along wi'out Merry there.  
  
He's teachin' me to float all over again.  
  
--Peregrin Took 


	2. Touchin' Th' Stars

I'm doin' a lot o'thinkin' lately, even wi' all th' singin', an' stories, an' talkin' to keep busy wi'. Thinkin' about growin' up -- th' kind o'growin' up you do at home when you've got time an' comfort to do it in, an' th' kind you do far away, when you don' ha' no choice about it. I can't sleep tonight.  
  
I'm lookin' out at th' sky through m'window here, an' if I made my guess, I'd say they've got more stars here in Rivendell than back in th' Shire, or anywhere else at all. It looks tha' way, an' feels it besides. Which is fine by me -- I always loved th' stars, an' th' moon too. Matter o'fact, I've spent a lot o'my time here trippin' over m'own feet, cos I were too busy starin' up at th' sky to be watchin' where I was headed.  
  
I told Merry once tha' I'd like to have th' moon fer m'very own. I told him I'd like to see if it's as bright from down here as it looks when it's shinin' at me from way up there. He laughed an' told me th' moon was meant t'stay in th' sky. "Ye couldn' reach it even if ye stood on a stack o'ladders!" he said. "An' besides, Pip, ye can't be takin' all th' light jus' fer yerself."  
  
Earlier this evenin', I was down by th' lake, practicin' my rock-skippin'. The stars'd jus' come out, an' I was lookin' at th' water. Bobbin' atop th' lake an' bright as th' real thing was a mirror-picture o'th' sky. An' lookin' at it, I remembered about tellin' Merry I wanted to hold th' moon, an' I got an idea. I grinned like I'd been at stealin' Very Important Elves's Skivvies again, an' I took off fer th' pantry -- Ela'd shown me where it was once, an' I remembered seein' a little bowl or two there. An' from there I was off t'Merry's room.  
  
I didn' hear anythin' when I knocked, so I figured Merry were a'ready asleep. "Merry!" I called, tryin' to wake him up wi'out wakin' up ever'body else in Rivendell. "Merry, it's me, Pip!" I tried th' door handle, balancin' the bowl o'water in one hand. Unlocked! I smiled -- I'd jus' ha' to go get him up m'self, then.  
  
"Mercy me, Merry, y'sleep like a rock!" I said, pushin' th' door open. But soon as I did, m'smile faded an' before I could catch m'self I'd dropped th' bowl. It broke when it hit th' floor. It were a quiet breakin', as it goes, on account o' it flipped over an' landed on top o'th' water as it spilled, but it still took me a long enough time to get th' puddle mopped up. An' as it was dark an' all, I'm not so sure I got all th' pieces o'th' bowl.  
  
It weren't th' most quiet I've ever been, an' that's puttin' it light. Merry was lucky; if he'd been there sleepin', I prolly would'a startled him out o'a year o'his life. But he didn't come back th' whole time I was cleanin' up -- an' I guess, outside o'hopin', I didn't really `spect him to.  
  
Tha' was hours ago. I'm still lookin' out at th' stars an' thinkin'. Th' moon's still up there shinin' at me, cos after all, th' only thing this fool hobbit could ever get his hands on is th' reflection. An' as much as it hurts, maybe it's better tha' way. Merry's right, more'n he knew at th' time: I can't be takin' all th' light jus' fer m'self, no matter how much I wish I could. Merry's right.  
  
I still can't sleep. Maybe it's cos, wi' all this thinkin', I'm really jus' tryin' m'hardest to keep m'self from guessin' where he's gone.  
  
--Peregrin Took 


	3. Fallin' off th' World

I only ate one breakfast this mornin'. Jus' one, an' I didn't taste a thing. Hardly touched elevensies, an' I missed lunch all t'gether. An' when Merry finally came aroun' askin' where I was, I jus' looked at m'feet an' said somethin' I figure I'll regret for jus' about ever.  
  
"Did ye find any o'th' pieces, Merry?"  
  
I didn' mean t'say it, an' lookin' back, I wish I hadn' done it. Lord an' mercy, I wish I hadn'! Cos he knew what I was talkin' about in a cat's hair, an' tears started'n those beautiful eyes o'his. I'd cried a lot tha' morning, an' I thought I was outta tears, but when I saw him start breakin' down, I started bawlin' li' a babe, too.  
  
"A few," he said, all quiet. He came right over t'me, lookin' li' I'd slapped'm across th' face. "I love ye li' a brother, Pip," he said, grippin' m'shoulders li' he could shake th' truth into me. "I've always felt tha' way about ye..." An' I couldn' look'm in th'face. I jus' kept on cryin', cos I couldn' help it, an' I felt li' jus' a miserable wee nub o'a hobbit again.  
  
"I know," I said. I tried t'make'm let me go, but he wouldn't. He kept his hands on m'shoulders and shook me again, harder this time. I couldn't have gotten away if I'd fought hard's I could, seein' as he's always been stronger'n I am an' we both knew it. "I know it. Li' a brother." An' it sounded sour even t'me.  
  
"Don't make that sound li' nothin'," he said, an' there was somethin' queer about his voice, li' maybe I'd hurt'm jus' by standin' there, lookin' up at'm. Tears started rollin' down's cheeks, an' he looked so pale an' sad tha' I stopped tryin' even a little t'get away from him, an' instead I jus' wrapped m'arms around's shoulders and held on, li' I'd fall off th' world if I were t'be lettin'm go. An' he hugged me back, jus' as hard.  
  
An' I wish we'd jus' fallen off th' world t'gether right then, cos then Sam couldn' ha' walked in on us. But, li' I'm startin' t'learn, wishin' never does much good. Sam jus' looked at us fer wha' felt li' years an' years, an' then his own eyes filled up wi' tears an' he started fumblin' his hands li' he always does when he feels nervous or guilty.  
  
"Pip..." he said, voice gentle li' his heart was breakin'. An' I couldn' stand t'look at'm fer much longer, so I buried m'head in Merry's shoulder. An' Merry started strokin' m'hair li' he did all th' times when we were lads t'gether an' I'd scrape a knee or ha' a bad dream, an' I'd always feel better fer it. But this time, I think I felt worse, cos I could hear Sam sayin' "sorry" over an' over above th' sound o'm'own hiccups an' sniffles.  
  
I left Merry jus' a little after tha', wi' Sam still lookin' at me li' he wished he was dead. I didn't say anythin' else, an' I didn't want Merry t'say anythin', neither. Cos even though I was right when I guessed at where he went, I didn' ha' any idea what it'd really be li' t'hear'm tell it to me. I love'm, an' nothin' li' brothers or cousins're s'posed t'love each other. I love'm more than a brother, li' nothin' means anythin' when he's not a part of it.  
  
I wish I could go fall off th' world, no' wi' anybody, but jus' by m'own self. Cos wi' me here, Sam won't go near Merry. No' after seein' us cryin' there this afternoon. I know it; I saw it in Sam's eyes.  
  
But wishes aside, I might's well go fallin' out o'Rivendell, at th' very least. Merry doesn't need me anymore, an' he's only got Sam when I'm no' there. He's tryin' t'stay away, an' tearin'mself up about it all every time he looks at me or Merry, I bet. So I hafta be gone, or Merry doesn' have anythin'.  
  
If Merry won't love me... If he can't love me li' anythin' more than a brother, then Sam deserves his chance. I might 's well leave; I'm not good for anythin' here, anyway. I'm a fool, an' jus' another problem fer Strider an' Gandalf an' Frodo t'worry about. If I were brave'nuff, I'd walk home by m'self startin' right now. Get Ela t'write'm a note about where I went -- she's th'only elf here I know well'nuff t'no' go blabbin' t'Merry soon's I left her alone fer half a second. She's jus' a servant, but she's got book learnin'. She'd do it fer me, I'm bettin'.  
  
But as much as I've been thinkin' about th' idea, I know I can't do it. I don't want t'be apart from Merry an' Sam an' Frodo an' everybody else, even if it's li' I'm skinnin' m'knees all over m'body every time I think about those two together. Cos I do love Sam li' a brother, an' seein'm there, teary-eyed, an' Merry cryin' an' everythin', made me wish I didn' ha' a heart anymore.  
  
I don' know which o'em it was who left th' piece o'broken bowl on m'pillow after dinner. I was out by th' lake, skippin' rocks again. Watchin' th' stars in th' water.  
  
I love ye li' a brother... I wish I could get his voice outta m'head, tha' an' th' sight o'his eyes all wet an' full o'pain, his an' Sam's both. I hate what I'm doin' t'th' both o'them. Hate it more'n I've ever hated anythin' before, ever.  
  
I missed dinner, too. I can't look any o'th' food here in th' eye anymore. An' I guess it makes sense. I'm losin' ever'thing -- m'cousin an' one o'm'best friends -- all at once, so why shouldn't I go losin' my appetite, too?  
  
--Peregrin Took 


End file.
